im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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