You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
