The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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