proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
