someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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