guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
