Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
MIDGETS
????
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
