Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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