the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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