my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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