here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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