i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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