i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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