I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
