Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize