is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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