Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
