I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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