Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
