Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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