They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
