Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can text with my tongue
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
