Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
where am i from again
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I didn't notice because vodka
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
