life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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