In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
