i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
