oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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