she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
