i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
