Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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