my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
