I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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