And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
