i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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