I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
