he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
