go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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