We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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