so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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