He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
