I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
