rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
