so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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