Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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