if you like me you must not know who I am
North Korea, Best Korea!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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