i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
