I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
