I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
