Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
