Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
