Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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