I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
