Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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