Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
