man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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