Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
