The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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