This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
