giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
