she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize