you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
