I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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