I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
