K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
