Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
