On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
