Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
