"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
